Lancaster vs Leigh Manchester 24/11/18 by Chags
Rumour of a rough fixture was circulating around the boys pre-match and with pushback being delayed 10 minutes, tensions were already simmering. Rocking up to the fortress with 10 men Leigh were in for a battle. From minute one, confusion was definitely the underlying feeling as Gayle called over the captains for the first of many ‘chats’. Clearly not affecting any teams’ game plan, questionable tackles and umpiring decisions were flying from all directions with no team really settling into the game. Usually if, in the starting 5 mins, the whistle has gone more times than successful passes, we all know its going to be a stormer of a game. One-handed banditry lead by Rory lead to stick tackle after stick tackle. Eventually, the lads were given a short and living up to the reputation of Lancaster University Men’s Hockey Club, the chance was wasted. Leigh, speaking in tongues, could not use this ‘CV boosting’ skill to their advantage as chances that they had were dribbled off2 the backline. Captain Mel used his plethora of hockey knowledge to implement a full press. A great driving play from Felix, lead to him being bodied by the Leigh keeper and CB, giving Gayle no choice but to award a short corner. Once again, Lancs clinically taking the chance and putting it wide. 0-0. After another short was awarded, Fletch revealed the lads’ short corner routine of ‘everyone getting a go to drag flick one top bins’ to the sideline. This time, Tom stepped up to the challenge and put away the first goal of the afternoon. 1-0. The inevitable came, the first card of the game. Unfortunately, Gayle had had enough of Lancs antics and Felix was off. Shortly after, Phil was mugged off. The ball was guided through his legs, allowing Leigh to take a shot at goal. Fortunately, it was way wide because if it was grounded, there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that it was through Porters legs for the equaliser. Some horrific challenges from Rocket Rory allows Leigh to have more pressure on the D but to no avail. Off the back of a lengthy period of fuck all, Jorge makes some more fouls and gets a nice lovely card for showing Gayle what Spanish Fire is. Chaos ensues in the Leigh D and the one and only Jylan Dordan deflects the ball into the back of the net. Following the boys second goal, Phil tactically plays the ball onto Dyl’s foot -Standard- thus allowing Leigh another shot. Lancaster manage to pull another short out of their arse and calmly put the ball off the back of the pitch. Lancaster are dropping a number on Leigh… literally… as the stick tape numbers have fallen off and are scattered around. Tensions rising, the Leigh CDM tells Dyl to ‘not get angry’. Quickly shut down by Dyls retort, Leigh men were glad to hear the halftime whistle. The valued team talk finished off with Porter calling them ‘Fat, slow and having no subs’, and so the boys had no option other than to put them in the dirt. Leigh, having a game plan this half, pinged the ball to their best player 74 who was through 1 v1 with Porter. This was soon thwarted by a combination of Mel’s lighting pace and tactical fouls broke down the play. More dodgy fouls from Mel lead to a Leigh short that just went wide of top bins. At this point, Bin has lost his head. Some cunt-ish behaviour leads to Gayle saying ‘Someone will get hurt here’ but continuing to not decide on it. The leigh keeper made a magnificent save off a deflection from the boys. Bin Update: Stressing out. Lancs’ 3rd goal came from Jorge from a biff from Tom, although an argument could be made that it was Dyl’s positional movement that made the goal. Off the back of moving in a hockey game, he then takes the ball into an aerial dribble through what was left of the Leigh midfield. The final goal of the day came from a slick reverse from Mr Jordan. There wasn’t too much left of the game, however, certain shithousery went down. Any pass from Jamie found a Leigh man. Any dribble from Jamie found a Leigh flat stick tackle. Amongst, a Leigh short amounting to nothing, Tom received a green card. Taking the saying ‘the captain goes down with the ship’ in to account Mel received Lancaster’s final card of the afternoon. Leigh, knowing their worth, give the boys some chat, ‘you’re shit because you’re not beating us by more goals’. Rory’s Lancaster Ultra mentality kicked in and he gave some chat back. Leigh were soon silenced by their big voice at the back being sent off, followed by their captain. At this point, Leigh captain had given up trying to calm his players as he solemnly sat down in the dugout. The match was epitomised by Dylan doing step overs with the ball before playing a through ball with his foot between the Leigh defence for Pete to get on the end of. The match ended soon after. If there’s one thing to take away from today’s match, Lancaster are probably the most village hockey team in the league. MoM- Jorge, and Dyl for being ok. DoD- Jamie for being shit
Rumour of a rough fixture was circulating around the boys pre-match and with pushback being delayed 10 minutes, tensions were already simmering. Rocking up to the fortress with 10 men Leigh were in for a battle. From minute one, confusion was definitely the underlying feeling as Gayle called over the captains for the first of many ‘chats’. Clearly not affecting any teams’ game plan, questionable tackles and umpiring decisions were flying from all directions with no team really settling into the game. Usually if, in the starting 5 mins, the whistle has gone more times than successful passes, we all know its going to be a stormer of a game. One-handed banditry lead by Rory lead to stick tackle after stick tackle. Eventually, the lads were given a short and living up to the reputation of Lancaster University Men’s Hockey Club, the chance was wasted. Leigh, speaking in tongues, could not use this ‘CV boosting’ skill to their advantage as chances that they had were dribbled off2 the backline. Captain Mel used his plethora of hockey knowledge to implement a full press. A great driving play from Felix, lead to him being bodied by the Leigh keeper and CB, giving Gayle no choice but to award a short corner. Once again, Lancs clinically taking the chance and putting it wide. 0-0. After another short was awarded, Fletch revealed the lads’ short corner routine of ‘everyone getting a go to drag flick one top bins’ to the sideline. This time, Tom stepped up to the challenge and put away the first goal of the afternoon. 1-0. The inevitable came, the first card of the game. Unfortunately, Gayle had had enough of Lancs antics and Felix was off. Shortly after, Phil was mugged off. The ball was guided through his legs, allowing Leigh to take a shot at goal. Fortunately, it was way wide because if it was grounded, there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that it was through Porters legs for the equaliser. Some horrific challenges from Rocket Rory allows Leigh to have more pressure on the D but to no avail. Off the back of a lengthy period of fuck all, Jorge makes some more fouls and gets a nice lovely card for showing Gayle what Spanish Fire is. Chaos ensues in the Leigh D and the one and only Jylan Dordan deflects the ball into the back of the net. Following the boys second goal, Phil tactically plays the ball onto Dyl’s foot -Standard- thus allowing Leigh another shot. Lancaster manage to pull another short out of their arse and calmly put the ball off the back of the pitch. Lancaster are dropping a number on Leigh… literally… as the stick tape numbers have fallen off and are scattered around. Tensions rising, the Leigh CDM tells Dyl to ‘not get angry’. Quickly shut down by Dyls retort, Leigh men were glad to hear the halftime whistle. The valued team talk finished off with Porter calling them ‘Fat, slow and having no subs’, and so the boys had no option other than to put them in the dirt. Leigh, having a game plan this half, pinged the ball to their best player 74 who was through 1 v1 with Porter. This was soon thwarted by a combination of Mel’s lighting pace and tactical fouls broke down the play. More dodgy fouls from Mel lead to a Leigh short that just went wide of top bins. At this point, Bin has lost his head. Some cunt-ish behaviour leads to Gayle saying ‘Someone will get hurt here’ but continuing to not decide on it. The leigh keeper made a magnificent save off a deflection from the boys. Bin Update: Stressing out. Lancs’ 3rd goal came from Jorge from a biff from Tom, although an argument could be made that it was Dyl’s positional movement that made the goal. Off the back of moving in a hockey game, he then takes the ball into an aerial dribble through what was left of the Leigh midfield. The final goal of the day came from a slick reverse from Mr Jordan. There wasn’t too much left of the game, however, certain shithousery went down. Any pass from Jamie found a Leigh man. Any dribble from Jamie found a Leigh flat stick tackle. Amongst, a Leigh short amounting to nothing, Tom received a green card. Taking the saying ‘the captain goes down with the ship’ in to account Mel received Lancaster’s final card of the afternoon. Leigh, knowing their worth, give the boys some chat, ‘you’re shit because you’re not beating us by more goals’. Rory’s Lancaster Ultra mentality kicked in and he gave some chat back. Leigh were soon silenced by their big voice at the back being sent off, followed by their captain. At this point, Leigh captain had given up trying to calm his players as he solemnly sat down in the dugout. The match was epitomised by Dylan doing step overs with the ball before playing a through ball with his foot between the Leigh defence for Pete to get on the end of. The match ended soon after. If there’s one thing to take away from today’s match, Lancaster are probably the most village hockey team in the league. MoM- Jorge, and Dyl for being ok. DoD- Jamie for being shit