2s dick Manny to not get demoted
The final game of the season was a relegation battle, with both the 2s and Manchester on 4 points. Only a win would guarantee the 2s div 3 hockey the next season. Fortunately, the 70 minutes of hockey played was a complete destruction of an inferior opposition, as evident by the fact that Tonsils actually kept a clean sheet (it was 8-0). This match report will also be a fill-in-the-blanks exercise as the details of who scored and when are a bit vague in my mind.
The game actually started poorly for Lancaster as they attempted direct passing that was generally picked up by Manchester, but when Manchester picked the ball up it was quickly retrieved and back in Lancaster control. Early on, and it may even have been before the first goal, a Manchester player got a straight 10 minute yellow for sliding into Chags, who was less than pleased with the tackle. The won a short early on as well for something, I don’t know, but apparently Chags got elbowed during it. Anyway, we score from that and I cannot remember who it was.
After that first goal, the floodgates opened and before the half ended, Lancaster had scored three more goals, and missed lots more (@Jamie @Baguetti). Did Manchester get more cards? I cannot remember, but maybe their captain did cause Manchester brought their S I C K C H A T with them from the Armitage and Gayle was having none of it. Tonsils actually had nothing to do because the press was doing bits and Manchester were struggling to pass the ball to one another.
The half time team talk was basically a cheerleading session as Nick and Chris sung our praises and we started chatting shit about their defenders, before getting back to putting Manchester to the sword. Once again, the half started poorly as Manchester actually got into our 25, and Oscar actually had to make a save. After the calamity of having to take a 16, Lancaster then once again began scoring goals. I actually remember this one, it was Pubes slapping it in after making it into Manchester’s D from down the right. It might also have been Ursula. The play then became a bit more manic as literally everyone wanted to score. Stotty did his usual thing of running from defence through a couple of players, losing the ball and then taking a year to get back. Somehow, Manchester actually won a short, but Tonsils made another save (two from two, insane) and from the short Anders sent a l o n g ball to Assman who was completely unmarked behind the Manchester ranks. Assman selflessly passed the ball round the goalkeeper to set up a goal for Jamie. Somewhere in the second half, Stotty jumped back F A S T in attempt to thwart the onslaught of Manchester forwards only to find that ball on stick skills are not in Manchester’s repertoire.
Once again, after this the details become hazy and the game became a mess as everyone pushed for their own goal, so I’ll go through the big details: Ursula stopped an aerial. Ursula then missed an aerial. Stotty subbed Anders off in Anders last game so Anders subbed Baguetti off to go upfront. Anders then missed every single opportunity to score, including a few shorts. Chags also failed to score in his final game as he tried to reverse hit it every single time -Hi guys, Chags here, I’d just like to interject with Dick Navey’s advice of using forehand- it still didn’t work. One of those times he did actually assist Assman though (wasn’t a goal for Chags though, so doesn’t really matter). Manchester’s captain got a yellow for some more quality chat from the Manchester bench and another Manchester player got a green. Berto waowed his former school mates with his fancy moves, and Anders continued to miss every opportunity presented to him. After getting told of by Tom on the pitch for never playing as a team, Chags began to pass the ball and actually found his teammates of use. Finding Anders in space multiple times, the Nefarious Norwegian failed to convert any single chance he was given before Gayle blew the full-time whistle. One word to some up this game: CHAOS.
Goal scorers (in no particular order): Assman x2, Jamie x2, Nelson, Ursula, Pubes and Baguetti
Man of the Match: Nelson for being a good captain and Berto for playing well (honestly I remember fuck all)
Dick of the Day: Chags for (please fill in here, Chags edit: being a selfish prick who only wants to score himself)
Match report by Chags and Anders
The final game of the season was a relegation battle, with both the 2s and Manchester on 4 points. Only a win would guarantee the 2s div 3 hockey the next season. Fortunately, the 70 minutes of hockey played was a complete destruction of an inferior opposition, as evident by the fact that Tonsils actually kept a clean sheet (it was 8-0). This match report will also be a fill-in-the-blanks exercise as the details of who scored and when are a bit vague in my mind.
The game actually started poorly for Lancaster as they attempted direct passing that was generally picked up by Manchester, but when Manchester picked the ball up it was quickly retrieved and back in Lancaster control. Early on, and it may even have been before the first goal, a Manchester player got a straight 10 minute yellow for sliding into Chags, who was less than pleased with the tackle. The won a short early on as well for something, I don’t know, but apparently Chags got elbowed during it. Anyway, we score from that and I cannot remember who it was.
After that first goal, the floodgates opened and before the half ended, Lancaster had scored three more goals, and missed lots more (@Jamie @Baguetti). Did Manchester get more cards? I cannot remember, but maybe their captain did cause Manchester brought their S I C K C H A T with them from the Armitage and Gayle was having none of it. Tonsils actually had nothing to do because the press was doing bits and Manchester were struggling to pass the ball to one another.
The half time team talk was basically a cheerleading session as Nick and Chris sung our praises and we started chatting shit about their defenders, before getting back to putting Manchester to the sword. Once again, the half started poorly as Manchester actually got into our 25, and Oscar actually had to make a save. After the calamity of having to take a 16, Lancaster then once again began scoring goals. I actually remember this one, it was Pubes slapping it in after making it into Manchester’s D from down the right. It might also have been Ursula. The play then became a bit more manic as literally everyone wanted to score. Stotty did his usual thing of running from defence through a couple of players, losing the ball and then taking a year to get back. Somehow, Manchester actually won a short, but Tonsils made another save (two from two, insane) and from the short Anders sent a l o n g ball to Assman who was completely unmarked behind the Manchester ranks. Assman selflessly passed the ball round the goalkeeper to set up a goal for Jamie. Somewhere in the second half, Stotty jumped back F A S T in attempt to thwart the onslaught of Manchester forwards only to find that ball on stick skills are not in Manchester’s repertoire.
Once again, after this the details become hazy and the game became a mess as everyone pushed for their own goal, so I’ll go through the big details: Ursula stopped an aerial. Ursula then missed an aerial. Stotty subbed Anders off in Anders last game so Anders subbed Baguetti off to go upfront. Anders then missed every single opportunity to score, including a few shorts. Chags also failed to score in his final game as he tried to reverse hit it every single time -Hi guys, Chags here, I’d just like to interject with Dick Navey’s advice of using forehand- it still didn’t work. One of those times he did actually assist Assman though (wasn’t a goal for Chags though, so doesn’t really matter). Manchester’s captain got a yellow for some more quality chat from the Manchester bench and another Manchester player got a green. Berto waowed his former school mates with his fancy moves, and Anders continued to miss every opportunity presented to him. After getting told of by Tom on the pitch for never playing as a team, Chags began to pass the ball and actually found his teammates of use. Finding Anders in space multiple times, the Nefarious Norwegian failed to convert any single chance he was given before Gayle blew the full-time whistle. One word to some up this game: CHAOS.
Goal scorers (in no particular order): Assman x2, Jamie x2, Nelson, Ursula, Pubes and Baguetti
Man of the Match: Nelson for being a good captain and Berto for playing well (honestly I remember fuck all)
Dick of the Day: Chags for (please fill in here, Chags edit: being a selfish prick who only wants to score himself)
Match report by Chags and Anders
